My scrawny screamer

It's really not my fault. If she would stop being so damn cute, I would stop dressing her up in silly costumes. 

It's hard to believe that Kaya is 2 weeks old already. It's all been such a blur. I feel like if I get her off the boob for long enough to shower and even maybe change out of pajamas, I've had an enormously productive day. And, even though I feel like she spends the majority of her time attached to my body, eating- we took her to the doctor for her 2 week check up and she has actually lost a pound since she was born. 
Now I have to keep her on a strict schedule, eating every 2 hours, even through the night. As if I wasn't sleep-deprived enough as it is. She is completely and entirely worth it, of course. She got to spend some time with her great-grandparents (my mom's parents, who are in their 80s) and with her great-grandmother (her papa's grandmother who is 95!) this week. I think we are really lucky to have them around and I want to make sure that we cherish the time with them. It's so easy to take those things for granted when everything is so hectic. 

Panic Attack v.1

Kaya's umbilical cord stump fell off while I was changing her diaper today. I just stood there, staring at her big girl belly button while my eyes filled with tears. My little girl is growing up.

I'm not entirely sure how I am going to deal with things like her first day of kindergarten or her first prom if the shedding of a nasty scab has affected me to this extent. Jesus, take the wheel.

How creepy is it if I save the stump for posterity?

Change.

This morning, Kaya, Papa and I laid in bed together and watched the inauguration of President Obama. Even though I had voted for him and had cried when he won (I was 7 months pregnant, I cried at AT&T commercials at that point)- I don't think it had really occurred to me until today how significant a moment in history this actually is. But, laying there with my mixed race daughter watching a half-Black man take the oath of office, I realized that it will probably be of little significance to her that she is, in fact, a minority and that she will likely never know what it would have meant just short decades ago. I was proud of us, as a nation and hopeful, as a mother, that my daughter will never know what it's like to be ashamed to be American or to fear your government. I know it's a lot to ask of one man but I feel like change is coming and I'm excited.

The Sound and the Fury

We brought Kaya home from the hospital yesterday. She is the tiniest, most furious little monster imaginable. She screamed the entire way home and has only stopped to eat and occasionally nap. Breastfeeding is almost more painful than childbirth, I still look approximately 11 months pregnant and I only vaguely recollect what "sleeping" was like.
I have never, in my entire life, been happier.

Welcome to the world, Kaya Holiday.

Kaya Holiday Sangkarat

            01/13/09  7:10pm

6 lbs. 14 ozs.  19 3/4 in.

We arrived at Glendale Adventist at 8pm on Monday night as scheduled, only to be told that Labor & Delivery was busy and that we would have to wait. I managed to reign in my insane hormones and waited calmly for about an hour until they finally had a room for me. I got hooked up to the machines and monitors, put on the assless hospital gown and settled in, having light, totally bearable contractions. I was feeling really cocky, thinking, "I don't know what these broads are complaining about. Labor is easy". 

Papa-to-be, my mom, Kelsey and I hung out in the room, watching television and talking for a few hours and around 11, my family left, leaving P-t-b and I alone, promising to return in the morning. Just after 11, the nurse came in and started me on an IV drip of Pitocin to speed the contractions. Slowly, the contractions started to come more regularly and got a lot stronger- going from "totally bearable" to "fuuuuuck". I summoned the nurse and asked if there was anything I could do to help me through the night since I knew my doctor wasn't going to be back at the hospital until at least 7 am. She did an exam and told me I was 3 centimeters dilated. I expected her to hook me up with a Vicodin tablet or something but instead she tells me this is the perfect time to start the epidural. 

So, around 2 am, the anaethesiologist came into the room and started the epidural. Let me tell you, epidurals renew my faith in modern medicine. Within minutes, I was feeling floaty and lovely and wanted to prance around with a magic wand, dropping epidurals into all my friends' Christmas stockings. I fell asleep for a couple hours, woke up and was magically 5 centimeters dilated. Again, I was thinking, "This labor thing? No problem. Easy!". As the day progressed, the epidural went from "awesomeist invention ever" to "necessary but fucking uncomfortable". By midafternoon my entire body was numb from my ribcage to my knees and I was totally paralyzed. 

My mom and dad, Kelsey, Kirk and Jazmin were all there with us and I was still able to enjoy conversation and the anticipation of knowing I was getting closer and closer to meeting Kaya. Then around 4:00, the doctor arrived, did an exam and announced that I was 10 centimeters dilated and that he was going to shut off the epidural so that I would be able to push within a couple hours. When he did that, I suddenly could feel exactly where her head was and I could feel the wax and wane of every contraction and it was NOT FUCKING EASY. I was wrong, I am sorry and broads- you were right. Labor is HARD. Within a couple hours of being off the epidural, my entire body was shaking, I was vomiting and it HURT. I excused everyone but Papa-to-be to the waiting room and started getting ready to push.

The doctor came into the room around 6pm, did an exam and said that while it looked like she was ready to make her debut, she was facing the wrong direction and the cord was wrapped around her neck. We were going to have to do this quickly and with vacuum suction. Suddenly, the room was a lot like it is on TV, the doctor calling out instructions that I didn't understand and hurried nurses delivering mysterious instruments that I was not entirely sure I wanted near or in my hoo-ha. 

And then, after 20 HOURS OF LABOR (I plan on repeating that every time she gives me shit as a teenager) Miss Kaya Holiday Sangkarat was delivered at 7:10 pm. She weighed 6 lbs. 14 ozs. and was 19 3/4 inches long. 

She is perfect and beautiful and I can't wait to watch her grow up.

It's time!!!!!

For the past week, I have felt like there is an invisible force pulling my body apart from the hips. It's about as comfortable as it sounds. This morning, we went to see the OBGYN for my weekly appointment. He did a pelvic exam and said that I am already 2 centimeters dilated and in the early stages of labor! The early stages can last from a few hours to a few days but I am done. Over it. Want my baby. NOW. So, I told him about my hip pains and asked if there is anything to do to speed it up. "Well, you and Papa-to-be can discuss it and if you feel it's for the best, yes, we can check you in today and induce contractions". Without even glancing over at P-t-b (who was in the room) I responded "Yes, we would like to do that please. Now."

So- look out, world. I am checking into the hospital at 8 pm and by this time tomorrow, I will be a MOM.